Pioneering

I am on a new road.

The road is still bumpy, but at the same time, it is changing slowly for the better.

We are not there yet, but it is a good thing to trust on time.

Time getting you there.

Last week, I asked: is it a good idea to meet the Iceman again? 

The last time, I did this, was seven years ago. Swimming under the ice, really enhanced my resistance. It opened up a power, which made me not being ill for years.

Right now f.e. I am sometimes providing hot yoga, which means providing the class in 30-40 degrees. It seems to be good for bloodcirculation and inner wounds. But, on the other hand, the heat is making the body really slow and dull. I guess it is not really good for the immune system and health defence.

His answer was: that is the old you. Wanting to be invulnerable..., why not accept the way you are, why not accept being ill?

That is a way to look at it. I was warned not to swallow in it (being too ill), but also not being too strong for it (health defence and immune system). I had to learn to accept it, while working hard.

Lately, I am opening more up, showing my more vulnerable side. 

I used to do this, through expression and writing, but it was not with the knowledge that I did so. I didn't even know, that by writing all down, I was vulnerable. I was not busy at all with what people might think about...., when opening up. 

But now there almost doesn't seem to be another way: by living closer to the truth and to my truth, life becomes more easy and out of one piece. It doesn't mean that there are no difficulties, but it makes difficulties easier to cope with. 

Also I now listen more to: 'what do you need?', as mostly my habits and behaviour were an excuse to not listen to what I needed. Instead of that I started to give and change, instead of to accept...

This column is called pioneering. Every day, I am open for more work. So there was a vacancy as a journalist for a pioneering magazine. To prove my writing skills, I had to send in some work. I don't send older work, because that is not me any more. But I also had to explain, why I thought I was a pioneer. Normally, I used to be quite inspired to plead myself being a pioneer. F.e. being one of the first women to join the iceman under the ice. This is what pioneering is about, nowadays. 

The 'oohs and the aahs'.

But that is not who I am. So I wrote:

I am pioneer in vulnerability.

But let's not make it into a thing.

Be vulnerable.

Godaya