Proof-Print in Tha House!

I am like an animal.
I just do, walk, clean, fall asleep, blog, eat.
Not thinking, shall I do this, shall I do that.
When I fall asleep, I really fall asleep. I hope then that there is a bed beneath me.
When I feel hungry, I must eat.
Now, I must eat, but I also must blog.
So while I blog, the hunger builds up.
Cook, Godaya, Cook! You must eat!

Is this the hormones, or the directness of God?
The direct knowing?
Thou shall do, thou shall walk, thou shall clean, thou shall sleep, thou shall blog and thou shall eat?
Wouldn't that be easy?

The Proof-Print is in Tha House!

I re-read, and I mostly stop thinking, weather it is 'me' who is getting nuts.
Or, whether it 'is' me, who is getting nuts.
Or, whether it is me, who is getting 'nuts'.

Nuts, nuts, nuts? my stomach is yelling for anything eatable.
I just remember, before sleeping eating a whole scale of Thai Food.
I came home from cleaning, which by the way went so fast like a whirl-wind,
'direct cleaning', that there was nothing to clean, running for 'Thai Thai'.
What is is wrong with me?

I probably have to 'go'.
'go insane'.

'Listen to my kitchen sink....' Bottle ting-ting.
'This is where I start to think....' Bottle ting-ting.
'When I am getting on the blink.....' Bottle ting-ting.
Of madness....'

This was the phrase of the Song of the Goddess (=movie-musical).

Yo, what's app? The Proof-Print is in Tha House!
To be continued.
When I don't eat, when I am hungry,
this is what you God.
I mean this is what you Get.

Divine Mystic, by Godaya.

New Nature

How marvellous is nature!

Yesterday was a moving day.
We went to see the echo,
I mean to take an echo, to see the baby.

I used to be quite scared of embryos and foetus and stuff.
But God Taught me the way.
During my first weeks, He Brought me consistently into contact with
new born animals and pictures and stuff.
Now, I find it the funniest thing there is!
It is all a bunch of cells becoming this or that.
But the exquisiteness of God is that He Knows and Leads directly if it is going to be this or that.
And that is why a species is maybe the same, but why no animal, no human being is exactly the same.

It is funny to see a mini-me, or a mini-he in a big screen, while lying down.
I never saw such a small and active heart.
The baby was already moving and had a facial expression of its own.
I don't know if I imagine it, but it looked quite satisfied, happy, laid back and relaxed,
while also being movable, discovering arms and legs and stuff.
It is still small, but bigger than expected.

It ain't twins, and somehow, I am quite relieved.
Twins would be fine as well, but with the Authenticity of God, it would be a bit....?
weird maybe to have the Authenticity duplicated.
Also it would not be really practical, as a child must be also practically fit into daily routines
and God Makes me to make a Stand in the Doing.
Moreover I find it remarkable, that God Makes me make a Stand in the Doing,
while also providing me a baby.
But that Is God, you never get it the easy way, but in the end, it will all fit together and
even multiply in its outcome.
I somehow feel that this child is already bringing me blessings and helping me to take
a stand in general.

With my own abnormal start, of non-acceptance, doing everything by myself, weird stuff
happening all around me, it is somehow such a relieve to have this 'normal' pregnancy,
and actually seeing something moving your belly! Until yesterday, we still had the fear of
making the whole pregnancy up, but how funny it then is to see a little Being having installed
him/herself in the Hotelroom of your Belly!

Having that said, we went to the Municipality to acknowledge the child.
We agreed on giving it both surnames in a row. To stay balanced.
But then we heard that the Dutch Law doesn't agree and that we must pick one.
First of all, we sat in a wooden cabin, of which I recall myself having the documents signed
for my former marriage. Then it was only one year ago, (not even) for having the divorce stuff
settled here. Then it was half a year ago, for having the marriage of my sister, and now we had to
decide within a few minutes, which surname the unborn child should have.

When Marvin and I see each other after a week, we always need some time to get on one line,
during the weekend it goes smoothly, but in the beginning it is always two lines. And this was
exactly such a moment of meeting after a week.
So, stupid arguments passed the scenery, for
doing this or that.
I said: 'Let's throw some coins'.
He said: 'It doesn't matter, I thought it was both names'.
I said: 'What do you want?'
He said: 'What do you want?'
We both said: 'I don't know'.
Some minutes past away.
The emancipation-stuff went through my mind.
Marvin's deceased father went through my mind.
The rens went through my mind.
The pizzeria went through my mind.
Still, I didn't know. He didn't know.

I recalled that earlier that day, but also many times before, we had discussed the fact of doing risk-research for birth and genetic complications. I was against it. He wanted it.
I was against it, because, I don't want technology to spoil the enjoyment of life and I don't want the pregnancy to be sorrowful, while you have no guarantee, and I just don't want to know, as it is how it IS. The echo-center, had us make this discussion again.
Then we agreed on Fiorenza, as an hommage to the diseased father (he did make place in the family system), and I negotiated that I didn't go for the risk-test. (The lawyer in me). Also I like the name, as it is 'renzing' around the world and you never know if the child is going to take over my pizzeria ;),
and if we break up, then at least we know who the father is ;)).
Okay... this is always how it goes, when we first meet after one week. During the weekends the true love develops...

Talking about the pizzeria, I have to go!

Godaya

That is what friends are for.

I am in a room, where I have to remind myself of everything.

I have to remind myself, that I have to pay rent.
I have to remind myself, to write my blog.
Most of the time I forget, I walk through the Land of God.

It is okay.

Most of the things now are happening in details.
I live in a microcosm, like I am a little ant, and then I get my own proportion back
and I keep on track again with the normal world.

One moment I am small and vulnerable, as I know myself.
Then I am really strong again, capable, effective, as I know myself.

God at this moment is not a big authority, who I worship.
God at this moment is another little ant, a little friend, a small companion.

We chat a lot.
At this moment it is good, to have such a good friend.
That is what I need.

Godaya

The Open Land

The not knowing becomes stronger, and therefore the direct knowing becomes stronger.
The idea is knowing directly and then let it dissolve into not knowing.
It is a dance through time. You must keep on moving.

Before you know, the knowing becomes stronger than the not knowing and then a story
originates from a story, while it is about no story and no images at all.

The not knowing is higher than the knowing.
Therefore from the not knowing, one knows, but as soon as the other asks:
'How do you know', you are not supposed to know.

You must then leave it up to God.
Knowing must be without any conclusion, as a conclusion, tightens the room of infinite
possibility to arise.
Knowing must be without any conclusion, as a conclusion, tightens the room of infinite
space into morality.

The function of the Seer is to fall together with the moment and then leave.
By the leaving it happens.
That is also why Jesus had to leave.

The not knowing is the most beautiful conclusion to make out of something.
It is a must be.
It must be it.
It must be without the knowing.

What if you know and you cannot pretend to don't know?
Then, either leave it, as it must not become of interest.
Or, stay, but make yourself look into it from an even more complete situation,
by stepping out of the comfort-zone, into the unknown and see what happens.

Don't stop moving.
When you know, you stop moving.
You must keep on moving.




















Godaya

Adam and Eve on Ice

Guess I am in a new space, and that I still cannot believe the space that I am in.

Can't even recall what all happened.
The unknowing, not knowing, no past, only future starts to reign here.

Just entered it.
Guess it is amazing.
But unbelievable.

The weird thing is, it is so simple, so light, so delicate.
Is this God?

Always had those amazing images about how it would be.
And in the end, it is so simple, so light, so delicate.

It is innocent bliss.
Can't believe I have reached it.
Can't believe I may stay here.

Can't believe I do exist.

Paradise on Earth is indeed possible.
Don't ask me how I got there.
It took me about many books.

Life is a joke.
I indeed do understand why Adam and Eve had to leave Paradise.
It was so normal, so unreal, that they had to learn the other truth to recall
it was real.

I now know that Paradise is an Earthly Opportunity.

Don't ask me how I got here.
It took me many books to do so,

Godaya in Paradise.

Beauty and bliss.

Pep-Talk

Somewhere in the Land of God, I am.
I am hiding for myself.

Maybe I like it too much here.
Maybe I don't wanna go down.

Maybe the no man's land is soothing me and nourishing me.
Maybe, maybe.

I learned to un-rush.
I feel like a baby, like I don't want to go.
It's so comfortable in here.

The Reading is so recognizable for where I am.
There are so many ideas.
There is so much knowledge.
There is so much ability.
I almost have to cry.

Nowadays, I see, hear so much people who invented the wheel.
But I have the wheel.
And I don't use it.
Yes, I use it on the unknown.

God is comforting me. I don't have to rush.
I can stay here for a while.
If people would meet me and ask what it is that I am doing,
I almost can't explain.

There is so much ability. There is so much creation. There is so much healing. What if you would
invent chocolate, which could heal cancer? What if you could invent water, which could heal fears.
What if your water would really transmit the Love of God? What if you would invent the dreamcatchers, which would surely protect your house? What if you would make perfume, which would cleanse your aura? What if you would bake bread, which would feed you with the power of God? What if you would produce a Magazine, where the words would heal your mind? What if you would make a hospital for sick and ill animals?

What if? What if?
These ideas are so close to me.
I know I can realize them all.
Still I am sitting on my bed again, writing this blog.

I now do understand more of myself.
Most of the people are willing to do that, but can't.
I can do that, but won't.
And I don't know why this is.

Maybe deep within me, I don't believe in myself.
It doesn't matter what the assignment is: within a few months I learned myself to cook and bake.
If I have to exploit a mine tomorrow, I'll make it work within a few months.
I can make everything out of nothing.
This is not meant to be arrogant, but this is what life has shown me so far.
I was one of the first women, that lied beneath the ice with the Iceman,
just within two days, while never have been really in snow before.
Through this little experience I now also know how to set and reset your cells and heal physical
illness from within and as my energy pervades the bodies of many, I also am able to reset it in others.
Moreover, I not only know it, but I also do have the didactical way to explain this for people,
so that an idea doesn't have to die in vain, because you knew it, but couldn't talk about it.

I talked about this with Rens.
He said: 'the most beautiful thing would be, that you healed it, and didn't know you did it'.
So the discussion wasn't even about: 'can you do it or not', but about 'how to do it, or not'.
So I really need to reach this point.
The point that it doesn't matter that it works like this. That you have anything to do with it.

Within me there is a part, which is afraid of dying, without having all this shared with the people,
or executed. So this is one of the frustrations.
The second thing, that I am afraid of, is the naivety of man. There is still a part within man, that needs to die. Man now feels comfortable and is not willing to do this voluntarily.
And if one is, because he sees/feels/believes it is working, then the outer world is not willing to let this happen, as everyone does have an own interest in people being ill.
We now do yell maybe at the pharmaceutic world, but it is not only that. I am also talking about family members here in general, or nurses or doctors, if you would really look deeply in the believe system of the 'helping' and 'supporting' part, really really deeply, then most of the time people don't want or like change. So much help is based on making things better, while beneath the surface, it is all about control. I know this, because I have been there myself.
The third thing, that I am afraid of, is that I cannot be social within who I am. The messenger is oftentimes the one that puts the impression and makes people do something or do nothing. To act or
to non act. Here I am getting to a point with myself.

I just cannot be my freaking self in this world.
I just cannot be my freaking self in this world.
I need more openness about who I am.
But the outside world doesn't let me be.
Because, when I am myself, then the rest of the world either

-ignores me.
-resents me.
-declines me.
-is afraid of me.

As this still is so, other powers are still in charge.

Why?

It was already read, that before I would let the light shine through me for always, and do what I came here to do, and therefore necessarily would be visible, that I would test these things within human connections.

I guess that the world is not ready. And I guess that I am not ready to stand in my authority.

Therefore.

So, today, let's clean again and be no-one.

Godaya

Incredible Indeed!

Happy Mothers-day!

At this moment, I keep on walking in the Land of God.
Yesterday, after a sort of hefty day with Marvin, as all things started to shift again within the common fields, I got onto a new theme.

Really, during the weekdays, all kind of abnormal things happen.
But during the weekends also all kind of abnormal things happen.

As we visited someone in the hospital, people started to be a little curious about what it was,
what I did (I guess, for a living). This is one of the most normal questions in Holland, just as ordinary
as asking or talking about the weather.

And I find it so impossible to answer this questions straight and directly!
I figure out:
-Am I here to open up and is this process about opening up and then handle the conscious and unconscious reactions?
-Am I here to be silent and hide myself, to stay as much in the comfortzone as possible and pretend I only clean and bake cupcakes? Like I am a mother without children (yet)...

I am not sure yet. Sometimes I open up, if I have had it with the cup-cake talk. But then I feel so exposed! And then all of a sudden the distance between where you are and where the people are is so visible and sensible, that I wonder....

Who is to overcome this un-comfortzone? Do the people need to walk and do I need to draw people in it? Or, do I have to keep on walking, wait another 10 years, until life and the world is more ready, so that people will indeed understand?

I explained a bit, that baking cakes, was only a metaphor for what I am indeed doing. The Godayerie is a collective name of all things that I am doing to share God amongst people. Whether this will be about buying perfume, eating cakes, cleaning houses, produce music, it doesn't matter. It is a sort of labaratory where all is possible and all can be expirimented. God Divides, Comes along.

They liked the 'idea'.

I was not out in the open about God. I said: 'I am spreading energy, let's call it love, in all kinds of forms'. -> people do understand, but maybe this is too general. Maybe I must call it 'New Love'.

But also, sometimes people ask about my name. Where does it come from? To avoid weird situations, I say: 'I come from Korea, but I am Dutch and have Dutch Parents'. But then this ain't a real answer on the question. The real answer is though: 'Godaya comes from the Land of God'.

Do you understand, what would happen, if I would state this, when people are just for fun asking me about cupcakes and stuff? (I don't make cup-cakes -> I make Cho-Godayas, Godayons, Panaras, Sweet Mar-Go's and Little Junipers).

'Then who gave you that name? And where lies the Land of God?'
How to explain 'this', without losing elegance and credibility?
It is indeed 'incredible'.

It sounds like a concept, but what if this whole thing is more than a phantasy?
Am I then not meeting exactly the same impossible impossibility as our J.C. did a long time ago?
This was a little bit the answer on Marvin's question, why I was a little nervous, while answering
the persons in the hospital. I now see, that the inside world is indeed different than the outside world.
But hey, ain't this the adventure and mission, I was born and impatient for?

I trust then on God, that He Will Fix this impossible bridge.
God Says: 'this can only be fixed in time'.
You know God: I finally feel a lot of patience to get this bridge fixed.
Somehow it is also very safe for me to cocoon in No-mansland, in the enormous Desert of God.

Today God has brought a (for me) big group together, to taste the High Tea with G.
What a marvelous day!

Godaya