Nijmegen, The Netherlands

Since yesterday, I am making a trip towards Nijmegen.
This has been the longest journey ever, but I'll get there.

Remarkable things were happening at work. Everywhere I come remarkable things happen.
I am not sure if I like it. I understand now, why Rens wanted to merge me with society.
Everywhere I go, people either get wondrously healed, or getting insane.
It has to become more stable.

These few months have been, I guess like Hell. On one hand I was fighting my own ego
stuff, but once I was fully in acceptance, the world became sort of my enemy. But I am still
going strong.

The world is the pallet of God. He doesn't mind you to use the world to destroy whatever is
unreal. I wish all could be more peaceful. On my path, there were 3 life threatening situations
on me.
Nobody did it.

In the meantime I have been humiliated to the bone.
It not only had to do with old stuff and programming. People are really weird, out of control.
And on top of that two of my family members were/are terminal.

It's not just death which you look into the eye all the time.
It is all the emotions. People who cannot handle it any more,
and use their frustration on others.
During my normal day, everybody is ill. Where was my 'normal' life again?

The weak get wondrous healings. The strong are collapsing, and all you do is Being there or
Not Being there. But then again, not being there is not an option. You are owned and you must
withdraw you, but if you do, you also don't have peace of mind for doing so.
The weak find it the most normal thing that at one time they cannot breathe, or walk,
but suddenly can breathe or walk. On the meantime you are humiliated for getting the
wrong drink, for using the wrong towel.

I knew this was still going to happen, as I am also walking around in my Korea Story.
I don't want it to be my story, but it actually is. I hope this will be the latest story!

Yesterday, first of all, a person that I healed, while cleaning was humiliating me through the
nurse. I was sent home, did show no respect for Allah, and used the wrong towels. I wasn't
told by the client, I was told by the nurse, who isn't even my boss. To clean, okay. To stay in
the unseen, while going through the whole illness okay. But I was condemned for something
that I didn't do and that the client already told me and I already did. I felt so humiliated. Still the situation is about forgiveness.

Secondly, I baked my cookies for a patient, who was also healed by me going through the whole
physical-process. The healing was considered to be a miracle of the self, which is okay, as long as it works. God the God-factor was thrown away, also my cookies were thrown away,
to be considered dangerous.

Then also two persons, I know, collapsed, psychologically.

I now recall again one of the main lessons from earlier times: Ask people, if they want to be
healed, or else don't. But what, if God puts you into the psyches and bodies of everyone? Where
are the boundaries of an energy, which is limitless.

And... must one always be a hidden healer? How about being able to cure many,
but not being able to do it, while at the same time looking at all the Earthly drama's, praying for a cure?

This all happened, when I just missed the train towards Nijmegen. 24 hours later, I was wondering
around in Utrecht. Now I am on my way to Nijmegen again. Not bringing only my own story,
but also that of many others.

My mother just called me to visit a museum. Yes, I do want this so badly. Just walk through a museum,
and like the beaux arts, but now I am on my way to Nijmegen, pinning the extra money of the short-
come of last consult. At least now I do have it. Although I am still not able to cover my rent.

Yesterday, I asked a question about having friends in the Land of God. The answers I received
were different. It I guess depends on where you are, how you are brought up, how you Rens.....
So many people and so many opinions. I don't like the fact that the colorful spectrum of people is
still separated and hidden. But I will respect it, but I hope (personally),
that this spectrum of people becomes more visible. But that is my opinion.

Let's give my own answer, based on empirical situations:

Since 1,5 years I am able to and must merge with the world of the old structures. About 1 year I was hesitating to do so. I didn't understand why this was... Was it the comfort? The safety? The not being
able to merge? I don't know. I waited, until God forced me to Go. So I went.

For me there is no difference between rensing people and non rensing people. Only the fact that you sometimes understand from an empirical background more about what is happening and people not
immediately consider you to be nuts. At the same time, all themes keep on playing.

But, I did learn, that when I invite people to come into my world, their life and structure is torn apart
completely. I am not overestimating here. Things about life and death come to surface. You feel
kind of guilty about this, because, if you weren't there, it wouldn't have happened. I keep on going,
and when pulled back into an old structure, it is only for the time being, as I don't have a structure.
I must only separate it again. But when you leave, the other falls and you don't know if the other will
make it without you. When you stay, you are caught in a web, you musn't be in. So one is not good and the other is also not good. And as my normal pattern was always to run away, I now see what will
happen if I stay. Am I strong enough?

The question still remains: If three parties are intertwined in the same story: human being, God and evil,
where does this leave me? And what about goodness?

And the other question still remains: The Land of God will be there. The fact is already stated, by the Higher Power, so sooner or later, these things, which I do describe here will happen to many. I guess it is a natural law. Then why not do it now?

I go, and I am not going to wait.

I pray for a better fate, when I finally do receive in Nijmegen. I am at Arnhem now.....

Godaya

The Incense of God

As I write the title down, I like the word: Incense. It almost is like 'innocence'.

Sometimes, just like yesterday, God comes in me and then I smell like Incense. This is weird.
A few months ago, I was typing Rens, and more times, I wrote just in the middle of a sentence,
what is this incense I smell? It sometimes came along with me giving yoga, or giving a healing, or writing a mail, and I moved on with my story.

Then very unexpected Rens wrote me back: 'The incense comes instead of God'. It's not always there,
but I have to think about the thing that they burn in church and that they keep in their hands to 'bless' (?) something, like a coffin, when people die. Sometimes I am 'that thing' (?).

Anyways, yesterday evening, the incense came back from my chest when I was giving an intense healing to someone. It comes from my heart and I was happy that it was there, because just that afternoon, I had totally freaked out on Rens. So you do that, and in a way you know that it is okay, and in a way, you know he will accept, but then it is really soothing to know that God is still with you, when you do your work.

At this moment I am living in a marvelous time and at this moment I am also living in a hard time. The thing is, it is really difficult to discern what is yours and what is the other. At the moment I feel better, then everybody is feeling worse. People are cluttered, taking over all the burden of others subconsciously. At this moment I am having two chemo stories in my neighborhood. I used to take this over. Now others do it. What to say and what to do with this? Why are people not living their own lives?

The question is simple: They are too small and incomplete, so the moment that they become vulnerable and open, there is so much burden in the world that awaits them.

I am double here, as I am that person, who is small, but I am also the person, which is beyond small and looks at it and experiences it from the other perspective. It depends on where I am within the Landscape. At this moment I am getting stronger, bigger, less vulnerable. But I know how it feels to live with other people's burdens. It is heavy, ineffective, irrational and people don't know what is happening to them.

'This is how the world works'.

It also happens the other way around with very innocent stuff: 'I was mailing Rens the ingredients of the salad I was making yesterday'. It was a good tasty salad. Then some moments later Marvin sms-t me the salad he was eating and he called me all the ingredients. He was probably mailing me, because he felt better or wanted to seduce me with this salad. I said: 'Marvin, you are eavesdropping me!' He then doesn't know. But when I mail to Rens, f.e. that I have to go to the Albert Heijn, but are too tired, then Marvin starts sms-ing me: 'Godaya, have you already go to the Albert Heijn?', this is ridiculous! When I am angry at Rens, then just some time later Marvin calls me, and he is very pissed with the whole world.

It not only is with him. It is with clients, with all kinds of people.... Yesterday, I was baking Godayons. I put too much sugar and vanilla in it. They are nice, but it is almost like a flan or a creme brulee. Cooking is really an art. You have to be very patient. Today I worship and celebrate, because I don't have to clean. Also I made a nice brochure for the Panara Retreats! They will be sent out soon...

Enjoy the Friday.

Godaya

Lower than the help of Cook = 0,5 Rens

Okay,
where to begin?

I just came from Nijmegen.
I was a bit double layered.

It was like at the dentist.
You hate it when you are in.
You love it, when you walk out.

So, what happened.
I walked in, and I got really pissed.
Why? I tell you in another story.

And I walked out, and bumped into a friend of God,
and then I was no longer pissed.

With pissed, I mean, pissig.
But I don't know if it is the correct word.
I was already laughing.

What happened?
Not so much.
I just spent 70,- euros on no answer.
None!

To be honest, the consult was 75,-.
So when you have to visit still, it is 5 euro raised.
Off course I already wrote about this in: Wie renst er mee in het Land van God.
I knew it, but somehow, I already knew I was going to be pissed, so I kind of was lazy
in the understanding.... I am so sorry to be so greedy.
Moreover, God was so very nice, to give 5,- yesterday through a sweet client of me.
When I am typing this, the incence is coming out of my chest again.
God, I Love U.
How can Rens be so unpolite to 'US'.
But then again, Rens is also an 'US', who tells me I am more 'Him'.

So, now I am more 'Him', but I am incomplete, and therefore things won't succeed, still.
So, He, talks to she, who is HE, 50%, not finished yet, and therefore not succeeding.
Then I had like 12 questions.
All questions were not answered.
And the few questions, that were answered,
were exactly answered in the way, that I didn't want to hear.
This is because I don't have to know.

So, as I was pissed, I was first walking to a shop in the neighborhood.
I was almost going to buy a jewel of 5,-, just because I was pissed.
But then, I thought, this is wrong, as this 5,- should have been paid to Rens.
Then I walked to the train.
The train didn't come.
So then again, I went to a sandwich shop, and I bought the sandwich for 5,-,
I just couldn't stand it.
This was at least different than the story in Wie renst er mee in het Land van God,
in the book, I was missing the sandwich, for a consult with no answers.

Okay, why am I pissed?
Because I was actually going to hear, how things must succeed.
Then Rens kind of directed me, like I also somehow riddled in the book,
that I had to find a job.
But I applied for more than 1,5 years for a job.
Then he told me the jobs were too high.
Then I said, I also had tried the lower jobs.
Then he kept on saying, I had to even look for even lower jobs.

Don't understand me wrong here.
It is not that I want to discriminate anyone with higher or lower jobs.
At least that is not my intention.

It has to do with that after 8,5 years of Rens,
I am now 50% Rens,
applying for a lower than a lower job.

I had a multifunctional brains.
Worked 6 years a multifunctional lawyer job.
Multifunctioned 3 years at a school as head of 30 projects.
Was head editor of a Magazine.
And owner of a Yoga School.

I already made peace with that coming out for God would take a while.
I already made peace with that you are not your job. You are not your work.
I already made peace with that it doesn't matter anything if you have money or no money.
I already made peace with that you had to think small.

And now, Rens is telling me, that applying for a cook is too high and I need to
apply for doing the dishes or cleanse kitchens or houses.

So, now I applied for cleansing Artis, just as I applied a few months ago to
work in the Management. Alright. This is the only way to earn more Rens-points,
and bring 50% up.

You know with God, in the end, you have tears in your eyes, because you made
such good friends near the Elephant's shit. Maybe I finally become an animal lover.
I was going to ask Rens about making G-TV, as an inspirational channel for God,
to make my blogs more visual.

But then again: making movies of dishes, mwa.
At this moment I am Godaya, who is 50% Rens, who is applying for lower than the help
of a cook, smelling of incense, while reaping the poop.

Let's move on in the Land of God.

Godaya

Yoging God

Whilst in the Silent Waters of God,
I have never worked this disciplined.
Building up structure,
for future stuff.

As long as this body is given to me,
I am fine-tuning it on God's Kundalini,
opening the Secrets of the Tantra,
structuring the Yoga in a way where God can reside
while it also fits the Old Scriptures
of the Ancient World
and the new people to come for all kinds of pleasures.

Something new, something real,
exactly balances and fine-tunes,
whatever there was, whatever there is,
and whatever there will be.
It just touches All in that split second.
That is the Now, which speaks.

I discipline my body, to make it suitable for God.
Cleansing it and making it stronger.
Besides daily Yoga, training the Martial Arts,
to fight the inner demons, which enter the filters.
I never knew that a Desert Body was so strong.
It is a mental game, by which you think it's not,
until the mental parts
will totally leave the body.

On one Level I am still,
Called even my best friends off for this month,
not wanting to know what is happening their world.
Rens trains me to be no longer involved with outside stuff,
with outside processes.
Only through that the direct knowing expands.

While on another Level in the Land of God,
there is you and I creating and working on Horizontal Structures,
for the Land of God.
Working hard in the unseen,
whether we know each other, or not.
Like unseen passengers, greeting each other with Eternal Grace,
cleansing out the knots of our inner mind.

Combining Yoga, Healing and the Land of God,
into a suitable plan,
I work thoroughly every day,
on this inside retreat,
there is no laziness involved here.

How beautiful the Desert Life can be,
the Desert Life, which is the Silent Waters.
I never knew that the Secret of this Inner Life
was about the not meeting and not speaking
and the not doing, whilst preparing everything.

Just you, your room, your windows and the endless sky.
Wondering about the Land of God.
Meeting each other in the blink of an eye.
Just one moment a day
and let the Mystery make it disappear
in a split of a second.

Godaya

G(r)owing on...

Hi All,

I hope you are doing fine.

I keep on g(r)owing on in the Land of God.
Yesterday was pretty unusual. I feel a little-bit like a punished child.
Self confident and at the same time insecure. It is both ways.
My child age is like the grown up can tell me what I am doing wrong, but I am not already giving in.
And that the Parent, in this case God, is lifting the shoulders, like: 'Ooow, if I would have known that this is raising children, grrr....I love them, but I also sometimes can put them behind the Wallpaper'. Maybe this is a Dutch Saying. Putting her behind the wall paper.
'Simba, you disappointed me!', 'Yes Dad'.
That kind of stuff.....

As at the same time Sexuality of God is playing, it might be even about the puber vs. the parent. I don't know. I was becoming rather recalcitrant lately, also towards Rens. I was taking a double role, playing politics. Feeling that the ground beneath my feet was disappearing. I was still holding on. I was speeching: 'I have a dream'. At the same time dark clouds were packing together. The filters of the new room weren't really working, and I have been sandwiched and caught up in horror. I guess it started around Saturday. I started to walk off track. I was a little bit naive. Everything is already written in the stars, I guess.

So when I was poisoned enough, God drew everything out of me yesterday. This was not nice, but I did pray for it, because some things were really amiss. I wasn't even aware about being punished after all. You are so caught up in the story. You only start to understand later. I stood in the kitchen, making myself a coffee. I prayed for a little bit more autonomy, as it was like I wasn't living my own life anymore. I was totally lived. I felt that other powers had taken over my life. I was captured. This was already starting Saturday and it became even worse on Sunday. I heard myself saying to Marvin: 'I am not here. Something, somebody has captured me'. As this comes in through many different factors, it is not one lead, through which you can say: 'That is it'. It comes from more sides, but it has the same theme. It doesn't really have to do with others. It has to do with g(r)owing on. The filters don't work and it finds you.

But, anyways, I was making my coffee, and then it was like God was going into my belly with a Physical Hand. God's Hand is really big. I fell onto the floor. He was grabbing something out of me, which was planted there on Saturday. It was so hurtful, like I was in an operation, where they forgot the narcose. On my knees I went to the toilet. My body got totally wet, and I really saw something in my belly moving. I don't want to sound here like the exorcist, but I sound here like the exorcist. It was like I saw an apple, or something alive in my belly and there was an Invisible Hand, wrenching it out of me. 'He there! Does someone have narcose in here????'. It was so hurtful. I didn't know whether I should be on the toilet or under the shower. I felt like a woman who just got raped. I wanted to lie in foetus, but my shower was too cold and small. It was really horrible. I was in totally panic and shock.

I ran back to my bedroom, grabbing the phone and then I ran back to the bathroom, as everything was leaving my body. I was mailing Rens. 'Help me'. But I guess that he already helped me, by operating me without the narcose, getting that thing out of me, and then I texted Marvin: 'You have to help me. I cannot talk right now. I cannot move myself'. He texted: 'Shall I call 112?'. In a split second: 'No!', you cannot explain this to 112.

This took one hour. Then I was able to walk myself into bed again, when Marvin came. The shock and panic had left my body. I was calm again, but I couldn't really talk. I was only bringing events lined back in the right perspective. I understood from A to Z.

I called off everyone who was willing to attend to the first night of the Yoga School. I felt so sorry to do this. Normally I am not sick. And in the meantime I was not sick anymore, so I felt guilty. With me, all sickness comes from really attacks in the unseen and then instantly the sickness manifests into my body, and as soon as the attacks are removed, then instantly I am healed. So that was not it. But I understood the bigger picture of what happened, and I really wanted to take some time to look at my flaws here, before running into the Yoga School. There is still a structural vulnerability in this room, which becomes a little bit more visible and real life. And I need to work on this vulnerability, make it stronger and from there I will work towards whatever must happen.

I know that the Yoga School must happen and I think I am going to start in the first week of January. Rens also said: 'See, where everything unfolds', like I was holding a package of different elements, building towards.... December would have worked on the power of the will, I am sure of it. But I want it to happen without the power of the will. I want it to happen naturally. That people are coming, because they feel called. Now, I feel that these same powers are against the Yoga School. And for now they have won. They don't want me to become self-sustainable, autonomous and themselves worthless. But I don't want to prove it to them out of will power. I want to show them how things are moving, when I don't do anything.

How about God? I ask God forgiveness for my sins, but at the same time I feel so loved. It felt like punishment, but actually God helped me. I was poisoned. It is too big to describe what is happening in the unseen. Some things are literally planted into you on purpose. Man is too small for that especially when the filters don't work. So I also must acknowledge my smallness here. Although I do not feel less loved, or less Divine. And at the same time, it gives me the courage and the power to struggle on. I want to become stronger and I want to overcome and win these powers. Although I hate these attacks, I want to become big enough to keep them away and to help others who are annoyed by this, without knowing. So in a way it is also didactical of God, what happens here and me being punished.

I almost feel like Harry Potter, but then not stimulating magical stuff, who goes to the years at school where things become serious and unveiled. Where enemies become big. I guess that exactly in this sentence lies the awe and wonder, which keep me attracted in the first place to these things that are happening. There is too much fuzz about it within me, too much excitement. This is probably one of the flaws that I need to face here. Something in me finds it too interesting, what is happening here. I always loved epics like Lord of the Ring and stuff. And it is really about destructing everything, seeing that all forms are unreal and that you are indeed very much walking around in the Boring Land of God, where Nothing Happens indeed. Where you have to embrace and love the emptiness until everybody forgets who you are and that you have walked into the desert at all.

I know....I know.... And at the same time I feel totally loved. I forgive myself this flaw. To be honest: Nothing really happens in that Land of God! I am looking for adventure. And through this punishment everything ended well indeed, as I was picked up by Marvin and cared for, while I was not really sick anymore but still was entitled to receive the Boons for sickness.

Godaya

About New Healing

Hi All,

Hope you are doing fine.

Walking on the line between Life and Death, I got into contact with New Healing again. Of course New Healing is always there. It is 'what I am and what I share' with the people. The difference only is, that a few years ago, I was giving it a working name, a concept and a site. And as you do so, people start asking: 'What is New Healing?', 'How can I learn it?', 'How does it help?'. Like you are talking about acupuncture or a new method.

And then you start doing Yoga, call it Godaya Yoga and that people might think: 'O, she stopped New Healing' and is into Yoga now. It on one hand has to do with restlessness. You are so curious about what comes next and you like it so much to express yourself into new ways and forms, that you leave the other form. Or it has to do with non-conceptual thinking. New Healing is just a name to name what takes place in general, all the time. You don't market it. You don't repeat it often. But basically off course I am sharing New Healing. But, because I don't market it consistently and change my web all the time, it doesn't stay with the people. And to be honest, I almost forget it myself.

But last week, I was training the Yoga Group and we were actually in the middle of a New Healing class. Healing channels were opened, so the energy of God could easily flow towards the people and indeed things on the physical, emotional and karmic level were taken away in a way that the people did recognize it. And it had something to do with the orcano. Not only in my life, but also in a greater collective. The themes of life and death (because this is what New Healing is about) came back into everyone's life. And God does the greatest amount of work.

The difference with New Healing, which I wrote about a few years ago and now, is that I was first literally getting New Healing from up above, drew it downwards and then transmitted it horizontally towards the client. Now it goes more directly. I don't have to order my taxi to get it and I don't have to take the bus to bring it. I am the cross roads, I am the route to take.

I lost New Healing out of sight as well, although I did it all the time. But it came back to me through synchronicities in my life, that I started to think about it again. It did have to do with the time that someone in my nearest circle was ill and without any hope, who is now again in the midst of life. Off course because of own willpower and fight against death. But it also works together with the path and the possibility of Vivication from God, the greater natural movement of God working through people, making different walks of life possible, without manipulation of the human will. I now see that as a member of a clan and family you want to help and you almost stand too close in the same story, to be off help to be objective. But New Healing did its work. It only is spread over a very long time, where also personal steps must be taken.

But then, years later, I saw another life/death story in my direct surrounding, also being involved with New Healing. It was not about: 'Now we do New Healing'. It doesn't work like that. There were other stories playing and therefore I felt that the person who was weak, must be helped and I did it. It was not meant to save that story, but it was meant to save another story. So there was a necessity without even a question, and I saw God at work. Now some time later, I wasn't even busy with it. And yesterday I saw the same thing happening. A Life track was wired into another connection and through this new connection, new things became possible. Off course also not without the free will of the person to go and fight for it.

I don't know if I say this correctly. It seems like New Healing is a co-creation of God and Human Being. It is not like God says: leave all up to me and let me heal it. Man must do effort. But God makes it possible, by wiring one impossibility into a new possibility. And as a bringer of New Healing, I am just the wirer, who brings the will of human being together with God's will. And then I totally step out of it. It is even thanks to my stepping out of things, that things will follow and originate. As long as you are obsessed by a certain conclusion or result, it doesn't work. It needs human time, it needs Divine time. It depends on the person involved, how soon or how late something might happen.

Stepping out then is the next conclusion. Just do your thing and step out of the triangle. I once wrote this before. Wire and step. It is almost a new step in 'Body Combat'. Wire and step, thunder and lightening. I stepped out of the triangle of my orginal family to make new life possible and I dived into a new adventure, I just Go, where I have to Go, always stepping out of triangles....

I start to learn and understand so much more about New Healing, but I also understand that the implications are too big to handle now for human beings. It takes more time in human lives to really understand and as soon as this is so, then the original sacrifice is already forgotten. And this is why God acts in silence and you should not make a big fuzz out of it. Off course man thinks, that it is human creation. And it is okay, because this God is not about acknowledgement or reward. He just wants to be healed and therefore heal Earth step by step, by reframing time lines and rewiring possibilities. Whatever...

I still do very much acknowledge the times when man was living close to nature. I do honor the works of Wim Hoff, who brings people back into nature. I do recognize the work of German Geneeskunde, where disease is totally embraced as the first step for healing. I do recognize the wholeness of the Super Yogis in the Himalayas. They all understood bits of how nature works, how duality in life must be transcended, by going through it. They all understood glimpes of God. At the same time God cannot be marketed....He/She just IS.

Godaya

Fertile Ground

Hi All,

I am moving further in the Land of God. The not knowing becomes even bigger. It becomes a nice state to be in. It is a sort of flying, like you are floating a bit above the ground and let the wind sometimes push you a little forward. The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind.

Fertile ground comes from within. The impuls of acting must come from within. You don't know where to go, until you do. The invitation is to stop seeking around you, but to feel within. Most of the times you don't know and then the ground is not fertile. And suddenly you know and you start moving forward. Patience is needed. And patience is oftentimes rewarded.

I won a trip to the States. First this is outside of you. But you like the idea, so you start shouting it and share it with the people you love. Then you leave it for a while, because you realize that an idea is something different than an action. Actually doing it, is about 'experiencing' it. The experience is something different than daydreaming about how things should be. You dig further. There is also daily life. It must fit into daily life. Daily circumstances show that it doesn't fit, unless you force things.

You leave it alone for a while. You dig further into your daily life stuff. Things go well. Things go not well. It is almost like the idea about the States doesn't exist, like you made it up in a dream. You leave it and you dig further. In the meantime time has past. Then you receive a mail, days later, about 'how about....'. Something starts to move, to swift again. Something is brought into action. As you used the in between days to dig into fertile ground, preparations, which were about totally different things helped to make the ground fertile.

Also I wanted to go alone, but I rather wanted to go together. So, I also waited to make this happen and see whether this was possible. In the beginning this seemed not to be possible. All circumstances seemed to work against the natural flow. We waited, and we digged into the ground for new fertile ground and after a while you see that circumstances have changed, so that the impuls of going also meets the point of another person going. It is beyond will power. It is more according to the origination of the truth. We both know: What should happen, will happen and we are acceptant towards it. And what should not happen will not happen. And we also accept this.

So, I know now exactly when I am going. Time will tell if I go alone, or that we go the two of us. This is how the truth reveals and it is so different than I was used to manage my things. This is how it works in the Land of God. You work on your own fertile ground. The other follows or not....

Nice Weekend,

Godaya