Grab a Star for me!

Even though the Being builds up and provides a deep feeling of 'whatever happens, it is not happening', or, 'Just let it happen', 'It just is' and stuff,
I come to know that Life isn't perfect.

I know this already for my whole life. But you then make something out of it.
I stopped doing this, just to see and accept reality as it is.
But then you are put in the middle of situations, where you have to do something, or give up.

The acceptation becomes wider, but must not become indifference. One should protect and maintain life.

This week was ultimately weird and unrestful. Not only are we coped in the middle of two movements/movings from one place to another, which always causes unrest fulness and in-between-things-emotions...

Also I was going to celebrate my birthday, but at the same time or in the same week, a good friend, which is also a family member passed away. He chose this himself and I understand this choice.
It brought me into a deep process in a way, no, I am more independent from his choice, I could be in and out on my own strength and in that way I am becoming stronger, but it make me feel and think (yes I sometimes wonder....).

He had enough of this life and I do indeed understand this. I also have had enough of this life. But as I am in the Hereafter already and literally, I do understand from this experienced point of view, that it makes no sense to pass over, as it won't solve, but it will give or provide some rest to come out of the loop. But I do indeed deeply understand one's motives to go. I guess I also wanna go, because my daily reality shows me repeatedly: life is not fair and ain't perfect indeed. Really, I really want to make something different out of it, but this is what reality is about. Reality is about not making something different out of it and still survive.

Then there is the not fitting into society, which we both shared and therefore, when we spoke, or didn't speak, there was immediately recognition. We are and were both really different from other people. It just didn't click-in even beyond all the moments of great fun.

Now God Has Done a bunch of stuff to get this straighter for me. I click in easily, but there is always a great part of me, the greatest part of me, not clicking-in. It doesn't fit, it didn't fit and it won't fit. I tried everything, the fitting doesn't work. It only works, when I make myself 10x smaller than I am.

By pleasing and betraying myself, I also betray others. By not pleasing and being honest, people are afraid for who I really am, a strong, wise and assertive woman, quite unusual and weird. By just being anonymous, doing my thing, the results are best. By just being no one, the work of G is done best and most successful. But within every other form, every other adaption in who I am not, it just doesn't work and doesn't fit. I started to really look honestly towards 'am I running away from something', I mean sometimes reality shows that you are really not qualified. I am quite honest about that....

At this moment I am trying to fit in into the yoga/spiritual world. I ran away from this in the Capitol. I didn't want to face it. It is a tough cookie at the least. It seems like the most easiest world, because people are tolerant, more open and new. Well, reality at this moment shows me quite the opposite. It could be, because I am rather small in this new world, again. I mean small in the world of how people are doing to be existent and tough.

But this world has a double layered thing: it talks and advertises about love and purity, but at the same time, I see and feel the opposite all the time. It's no big deal. It is just how life is. I guess that a great deal of life is unfair, but that in the end, you must become so strong and assertive and open hearted, that you can take and carry this and still survive.

It made me doubt deeply: if I even don't fit into this world, then what kind of world is there for me? He says: 'there must be some time and place, somewhere, where you can or will click in', this is necessary, as I am given the opportunity for self realisation in Being and Doing. So I have to make this work somewhere on this timeline. I also saw him wonder (what will it be, after we already tried all).

I look into this world, and I wonder.... I tried everything. If there is somewhere out there a place and a time, where I click in...., then I guess it is up to G to show it to me. Maybe after all this time, I should stop trying, seeking, do my best for it, please, kneel, and make myself smaller and different from who I really am. It didn't work, it doesn't work and it won't work. If there is an impossibility .... there must also be a possibility in this universe: I invite it to my life.

Dear friend, rest peacefully. In the great spectrum of trial and error, I feel you are brave to chose your own path. I guess you met your technical necessity in a way. I hope that.... Lots of light. Have a great journey....

Grab a star for me!

Godaya

August 2nd, workshop Open Heart Yoga. reservations: godayame@icloud.com

Maybe my Authenticity Knows....

The Being becomes more....

Like I am transparant. Buzz is going on, and then Being is also there.

Sometimes I am caught up in this and that's. Human suffering.
But then, I move towards the heart, and I laugh: there is no human suffering.

There is a freedom of choice between this and that's.
There is even beyond the choice no need to chose.
Layer by layer the New Arises and becomes more.

A new movement is moving me.

I am not sure, what I have with places. It is a symbolism or a metaphor, for who I am,
or for who I am not.

Feeling like home, feeling at home, is an over-romanticised thing.
Still, there is a clue in it.

Sometimes a place feels like home and sometime it doesn't.

I was sent to here and there. But I ended up in the Landscape.
... said: 'The Landscape for you is NOT at all levels'. He couldn't be more right.
It didn't have so much to do with the Landscape. When you drive through it,
it is beautiful. And off course the whole world in the Landscape feels @ home.

So, it is a symbolism for 'NOT'.
But in this duality, I figure out an interesting process.

Sometimes things in God are useful. Not that I always like it a lot.
What to do with the 'NOT' if the 'opposite also doesn't work already'.

I am still not sure. It is still a process.

Bending the NOT into a 'run away' is overestimated.
I learned that when I moved towards my Hometown and was catapulted twice.

As one doesn't have to 'want' things,
one also doesn't have to un-want things'.
The un-want is an evenly desire.

But time does a lot, because in the mean-time, things are happening, which bend the NOT
into a realism, that is more acceptable, and makes you moving towards a Yes, but then
some place else. But through the realism of Being, you learn, it's maybe some place else.
Over-romanticizing the NOT is killing.
But the NOT must become an acceptation and the un-want must be undone.

First work and then live, ... .says,
Work brings me to a familiair place, one place, which somehow is a bit like my Hometown,
but then new. And the other place is the capitol again, where I used to live for half my life,
which is also an authentic part of me. I am so glad that this awakens again.
I left the city, from a run, a not, but I didn't leave the city. It is still in my heart.
This opens, as in the city, I feel connected again with the rest of the world.

When I look at both, and they both represent a part of my authenticity, then I don't understand
what I am doing in the Landscape, which doesn't represent anything at all,
but probably I am un-doing things and that is the useful thing of the NOT.

At the same time, there is still some business to do here and maybe this has to do with
integration in general. Integration is a life theme: Am I in the new, integrating in society,
or, does integrate society into me?

I am still not sure. And this is where the tension is: undoing the old stuff, you come into a
new authenticity. In this new authenticity, you unlearn adaptation, which you have done too
much so far. But then, if there is no integration at all, until how far must one re-adept? It happens,
but it goes slowly. On one hand I learn, no adaptation leads to others to adept. But no adaptation
also can lead towards a stand still.

One day, I did a meditation: and I saw myself at the top of the Himalayas. On the top of the
roof of the world. And I always felt: my core strength is: sitting on this top of the roof of the
world, waiting for the world to come to me, climbing that hill. I felt really senang and I really
understood deeply, that Being makes people climb the mountain. But it requires time, just as
the Deep Waters of the Source, the After life requires time, for others to reach it.

But what if you are placed in a location, which is NOT for you, while it is INDEED for the rest
for the whole world, should I descend that mountain and adapt into society, or do the opposite?

The technical necessity makes me do things.

As the answer isn't clear yet, I drive and go to the places, which awaken more of my authenticity.
Maybe my authenticity knows.


Godaya
August 2nd: Open Heart Yoga. godayame@icloud.com

Drive & Go.

I am - obviously - sent on an adventure....it started some days ago.

The technical necessity keeps on pushing me forwards, like there is no time to look backwards, or stand still.

Meeting lots of people, - workwise -, not afraid anymore to say who I am and to share what I do. Yes, a little bit, but the basic drive, - which obviously is a car -, doesn't stop. It is that simple.

I didn't even mention, ... I visited...., and that....., along the way.

Yoga starts to breathe through me. Open Heart Yoga. I am working on the release now.

Yoga with an Open Heart. Opening the Heart through Yoga. Being Open Hearted through Yoga. Yoga to open the Heart. It doesn't matter. It's just a name. What is Yoga anyways? How do you do it? Where do you do it? What do you do with it?

Let's just drive & go!

That's why I take the car and leave my scooter.

Godaya

Ps. This one is for sale. Someone interested?

He Said Mumma!

In God, you always walk a sort of tract, where you want this, but get that.
What you want ain't gonna be it.
What you don't want, is going to be it, but then even beyond expectations.

A few days ago, we celebrated that the little one is 0.5 years old.
People keep on telling me: enjoy the time together, things are moving so fast forward.
And yes, they are right.

Yesterday two wonderful things happened:

1. He turned around himself from back to belly.
2. He suddenly said Mumma!

It went so subtle that both of the milestones went so smooth....like:
'Uuuh, did you turn around the baby?'
'No, I didn't'.
'Then he must have done it himself, because I did nothing'.

And,

'Did you hear that too?'
'He said Mumma', but he only didn't know that he said it.
And it was so unexpected, that you start to wonder, when, how, why all so sudden.

Little babies grow big.

I learn now: God Works most effective and fast, when it ain't a plan, a goal, but just
in a most unexpected way.

Godaya

@ home

Everything empties out.
There is almost no image left.

I was first living in the Landscape.
Then I felt that I had to move to my Hometown.

Then I was adopted to my Hometown.
I worked there.

Then life took me back to the Landscape.
I started to work in the Landscape.

I organised a lecture in the Landscape.
First at a location.
Then just at the latest moment, it became another location.
I started to accept the Landscape as it was.

Then I had to work somewhere else - not in the Landscape nor in my Hometown.

Then I was again drawn back to my Hometown.
Not because I wanted it, but because I had to work there again
in something new/else.

Then I also had work in my hometown, while I was talking about a new working
space in the Landscape. Then I suddenly did my work in my hometown, which
also made me realise, one doesn't need a working space.

I also visited some places in the neighbourhood of my Hometown,
to figure out....because there was a house at rent,
but they looked exactly like a copy of the location in the Landscape.

Then life took me back again into the Landscape,
not being able to work in my Hometown.

Back in the Landscape, which has become my Hometown along the way,
I wonder: Where is my Home?

Maybe the idea about a Hometown, or about a Welcome Home is more empty
than the idea of a Home, or a feeling of being at home.

Maybe feeling at home is some sort of a desire, created by our brains,
which must be emptied out....

Maybe homesickness is a deviation.
Maybe there is no place like home, I mean 'no place' at all.

If there is no place at all, where do all the flowers grow?

Godaya