This has been the longest journey ever, but I'll get there.
Remarkable things were happening at work. Everywhere I come remarkable things happen.
I am not sure if I like it. I understand now, why Rens wanted to merge me with society.
Everywhere I go, people either get wondrously healed, or getting insane.
It has to become more stable.
These few months have been, I guess like Hell. On one hand I was fighting my own ego
stuff, but once I was fully in acceptance, the world became sort of my enemy. But I am still
going strong.
The world is the pallet of God. He doesn't mind you to use the world to destroy whatever is
unreal. I wish all could be more peaceful. On my path, there were 3 life threatening situations
on me.
Nobody did it.
In the meantime I have been humiliated to the bone.
It not only had to do with old stuff and programming. People are really weird, out of control.
And on top of that two of my family members were/are terminal.
It's not just death which you look into the eye all the time.
It is all the emotions. People who cannot handle it any more,
and use their frustration on others.
During my normal day, everybody is ill. Where was my 'normal' life again?
The weak get wondrous healings. The strong are collapsing, and all you do is Being there or
Not Being there. But then again, not being there is not an option. You are owned and you must
withdraw you, but if you do, you also don't have peace of mind for doing so.
The weak find it the most normal thing that at one time they cannot breathe, or walk,
but suddenly can breathe or walk. On the meantime you are humiliated for getting the
wrong drink, for using the wrong towel.
I knew this was still going to happen, as I am also walking around in my Korea Story.
I don't want it to be my story, but it actually is. I hope this will be the latest story!
Yesterday, first of all, a person that I healed, while cleaning was humiliating me through the
nurse. I was sent home, did show no respect for Allah, and used the wrong towels. I wasn't
told by the client, I was told by the nurse, who isn't even my boss. To clean, okay. To stay in
the unseen, while going through the whole illness okay. But I was condemned for something
that I didn't do and that the client already told me and I already did. I felt so humiliated. Still the situation is about forgiveness.
Secondly, I baked my cookies for a patient, who was also healed by me going through the whole
physical-process. The healing was considered to be a miracle of the self, which is okay, as long as it works. God the God-factor was thrown away, also my cookies were thrown away,
to be considered dangerous.
Then also two persons, I know, collapsed, psychologically.
I now recall again one of the main lessons from earlier times: Ask people, if they want to be
healed, or else don't. But what, if God puts you into the psyches and bodies of everyone? Where
are the boundaries of an energy, which is limitless.
And... must one always be a hidden healer? How about being able to cure many,
but not being able to do it, while at the same time looking at all the Earthly drama's, praying for a cure?
This all happened, when I just missed the train towards Nijmegen. 24 hours later, I was wondering
around in Utrecht. Now I am on my way to Nijmegen again. Not bringing only my own story,
but also that of many others.
My mother just called me to visit a museum. Yes, I do want this so badly. Just walk through a museum,
and like the beaux arts, but now I am on my way to Nijmegen, pinning the extra money of the short-
come of last consult. At least now I do have it. Although I am still not able to cover my rent.
Yesterday, I asked a question about having friends in the Land of God. The answers I received
were different. It I guess depends on where you are, how you are brought up, how you Rens.....
So many people and so many opinions. I don't like the fact that the colorful spectrum of people is
still separated and hidden. But I will respect it, but I hope (personally),
that this spectrum of people becomes more visible. But that is my opinion.
Let's give my own answer, based on empirical situations:
Since 1,5 years I am able to and must merge with the world of the old structures. About 1 year I was hesitating to do so. I didn't understand why this was... Was it the comfort? The safety? The not being
able to merge? I don't know. I waited, until God forced me to Go. So I went.
For me there is no difference between rensing people and non rensing people. Only the fact that you sometimes understand from an empirical background more about what is happening and people not
immediately consider you to be nuts. At the same time, all themes keep on playing.
But, I did learn, that when I invite people to come into my world, their life and structure is torn apart
completely. I am not overestimating here. Things about life and death come to surface. You feel
kind of guilty about this, because, if you weren't there, it wouldn't have happened. I keep on going,
and when pulled back into an old structure, it is only for the time being, as I don't have a structure.
I must only separate it again. But when you leave, the other falls and you don't know if the other will
make it without you. When you stay, you are caught in a web, you musn't be in. So one is not good and the other is also not good. And as my normal pattern was always to run away, I now see what will
happen if I stay. Am I strong enough?
The question still remains: If three parties are intertwined in the same story: human being, God and evil,
where does this leave me? And what about goodness?
And the other question still remains: The Land of God will be there. The fact is already stated, by the Higher Power, so sooner or later, these things, which I do describe here will happen to many. I guess it is a natural law. Then why not do it now?
I go, and I am not going to wait.
I pray for a better fate, when I finally do receive in Nijmegen. I am at Arnhem now.....
Godaya
