Sometimes, just like yesterday, God comes in me and then I smell like Incense. This is weird.
A few months ago, I was typing Rens, and more times, I wrote just in the middle of a sentence,
what is this incense I smell? It sometimes came along with me giving yoga, or giving a healing, or writing a mail, and I moved on with my story.
Then very unexpected Rens wrote me back: 'The incense comes instead of God'. It's not always there,
but I have to think about the thing that they burn in church and that they keep in their hands to 'bless' (?) something, like a coffin, when people die. Sometimes I am 'that thing' (?).
Anyways, yesterday evening, the incense came back from my chest when I was giving an intense healing to someone. It comes from my heart and I was happy that it was there, because just that afternoon, I had totally freaked out on Rens. So you do that, and in a way you know that it is okay, and in a way, you know he will accept, but then it is really soothing to know that God is still with you, when you do your work.
At this moment I am living in a marvelous time and at this moment I am also living in a hard time. The thing is, it is really difficult to discern what is yours and what is the other. At the moment I feel better, then everybody is feeling worse. People are cluttered, taking over all the burden of others subconsciously. At this moment I am having two chemo stories in my neighborhood. I used to take this over. Now others do it. What to say and what to do with this? Why are people not living their own lives?
The question is simple: They are too small and incomplete, so the moment that they become vulnerable and open, there is so much burden in the world that awaits them.
I am double here, as I am that person, who is small, but I am also the person, which is beyond small and looks at it and experiences it from the other perspective. It depends on where I am within the Landscape. At this moment I am getting stronger, bigger, less vulnerable. But I know how it feels to live with other people's burdens. It is heavy, ineffective, irrational and people don't know what is happening to them.
'This is how the world works'.
It also happens the other way around with very innocent stuff: 'I was mailing Rens the ingredients of the salad I was making yesterday'. It was a good tasty salad. Then some moments later Marvin sms-t me the salad he was eating and he called me all the ingredients. He was probably mailing me, because he felt better or wanted to seduce me with this salad. I said: 'Marvin, you are eavesdropping me!' He then doesn't know. But when I mail to Rens, f.e. that I have to go to the Albert Heijn, but are too tired, then Marvin starts sms-ing me: 'Godaya, have you already go to the Albert Heijn?', this is ridiculous! When I am angry at Rens, then just some time later Marvin calls me, and he is very pissed with the whole world.
It not only is with him. It is with clients, with all kinds of people.... Yesterday, I was baking Godayons. I put too much sugar and vanilla in it. They are nice, but it is almost like a flan or a creme brulee. Cooking is really an art. You have to be very patient. Today I worship and celebrate, because I don't have to clean. Also I made a nice brochure for the Panara Retreats! They will be sent out soon...
Enjoy the Friday.
Godaya
